I first went to Italy in 1969 and fell in love with the country then. Over the years, I must have visited twenty or thirty times. I used to joke that in my next life I would return as an Italian, because I thought Italians are like Jews but without the guilt.
Last year, my wife and I moved to Italy from Amsterdam. We first lived in Genoa but realized we were more drawn to the South, which reminded us of California where we were both raised and Israel, where we had been living for eight years. We had no idea how hard some of the cultural adjustments would be, not to mention the crushing bureaucracy (a subject for another post).
We moved to the historic city of Lecce, in the heart of Puglia, the heel of Italy’s boot. In a moment of temporary insanity, we bought a Palazzo built in 1731, located in Lecce’s historic center. We then undertook a renovation project that may be one of the craziest things we have ever done. I wrote about that [here].
The renovation has immersed me in the cultural realities of expat life in Italy. Every day I interact with a range of Italians, the contractor, various designers, lawyers, and other professionals. Italians are not used to dealing directly with someone like me, and I suspect this confuses them. Wealthy, established, and “elderly” people here typically use intermediaries. They are not used to someone who insists on being hands-on and wants to understand everything.
As an American and an Israeli, I tend to be direct not aggressive, but direct. I’m fairly sure my directness reads as aggression. I am slowly learning that I need to be more formally polite than feels natural to me including engaging in small talk. I have to be careful not to appear critical or judgmental. I have to get used to using professional titles such as Architetto, Geometra and Avvocato rather than first names. I have to constantly affirm that I appreciate people’s work and expertise. Sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with children but it is me that may be the child. I get frustrated and angry but then I remind myself: I chose to move here. It is on me to adapt.
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